We sat down with Eréndira Jiménez Esquinca (M.Div, M.A. in spirituality) to discuss how she has been decolonizing spirituality and offering decolonizing support to others. We talk life in liminal — and sometimes conflicting — identities, embracing "taboo" spiritualities, and her rituals for everyday transcendence. What's your name & pronouns? Where do you reside? Eréndira Jiménez Esquinca, she-her-hers. I live on traditional, ancestral, and unceded Kumeyaay Land (currently known as San Diego, CA). What aspects of your identity (race, culture, sexuality, gender etc.) most make you feel you? What brings you joy? What makes me feel most me is in fact the complexity of my identity—a multifaceted-ness of being. Having indigenous Zoque heritage from Mexico and carrying Spanish blood—this looks like living in that space between carrying both oppressed and oppressor in my body. I also came out and embraced my bi identity a few years ago. So I feel like a big part of my identity is living in the in-between, these both/and spaces, and trying to discern what that means for how I walk in the world. Which is a complicatedly joyful process most days! What is decolonizing spirituality? I do both decolonizing church and decolonizing spirituality work, which to me function in tandem. But when I think about decolonizing spirituality, I'm thinking more about folks who have been wounded by traditional religious systems and really helping folx find an authentic connection to the divine that allows them to bring their whole selves, stories, and communities of spiritual practice. It’s about extracting spirituality from forms and structures that were created in tandem with colonialism, capitalism, white supremacy, and other oppressive systems, while also cultivating new spiritual support systems that have liberation and flourishing for individuals, communities, and ultimately the world at their heart. Decolonizing church is about addressing the ways that Christianity has been a mechanism of colonialism, empire, and oppression. So it’s trying to get at the heart of what does it mean to participate in a story that is actually rooted in equity, imagination, justice, and creativity. Can you share more about your journey with decolonizing spirituality? How do others relate to your journey and this work? It came out of working and learning in predominantly white religious spaces and recognizing just how oppressive those structures and systems can be to the spiritualities of people who are on the margins, the people who aren't being centered in institutional narratives. I always felt like within these 'white faith' communities there were aspects of my spirituality that were going to be taboo or misunderstood—you know, my use of astrology and tarot and human design, and these other meaning-making systems that I think teach us a lot about ourselves and the cosmic world beyond us. These things were never going to be centered and I wanted to find a way to not hide that or have them be second to rituals that were more traditional. Decolonizing church and decolonizing spirituality just naturally came out of those experiences. The two bleed together, so the people who work with me are usually coming from two different starting places with similar hopes in mind. They also aren't mutually exclusive groups. The first group of people that I work with are in positions of some kind of power and leadership in faith/religious spaces and are looking for support in shifting systems and bringing anti-oppressive practices and ways of being into the places where they are working, living, and having relationships. They’re wanting support for deconstructing and creative re-imagining of the structures that support spiritual well-being. The second group of people are folks trying to figure out how to step or live into their expansive spirituality. They are wanting to find ways of bringing in practices that may have considered taboo, or even labeled “demonic,” but that are ancestral, land, and intuitive based into their lives. Most of these clients are usually people of color, queer, polyamorous, just generally living at intersections of political identities of resistance. At the heart of all my clients are people who are wanting to decenter the Christian hegemony, particularly of that “christianity” that has historic roots in or has more recently aligned itself with white supremacy, capitalism, patriarchy, hetero- and mono-sexism, and all other oppressive systems. I think the people who relate to my work are looking for spiritual companions and leaders that can hold complexity and different views of the divine. One of the reasons people come and work with me is that I don't tell them THIS is what it means to be spiritual, THIS is what it means to have a spiritual life. But what I will say is, how is your spiritual life supporting the flourishing and liberation of not just yourself, but the people, communities, and world around you? What's involved in the day-to-day work? My work with clients is based in story-telling and story-listening. I really believe that the experiences of our day to day life are the soil for decolonizing and transformation work. I want to help people ground into their relationships, vocations, histories, because that's the place where the rubber meets the road. It's fine to talk about something like “decolonizing” in abstraction, but it’s a different task to figure out how to embody the shedding of oppressive internalized structures when life is coming at you. So, I start all my sessions with breathwork and meditation and centering because I want people to connect with their body in the moment. Starting with what the body is holding we can start to uncover where the tension and discomfort, and where the hope and possibility is, is in the day-to-day life. Let's talk queerness and spirituality. How do those come together for you? I just came out as bi maybe two years ago so I am still figuring out how these pieces fit together for me! But, for me, my spirituality has always felt queer. It doesn't really make sense within traditional form. And I think also in the way that I choose to approach my work. I try to do it in as anti-capitalistic, anti-hierarchal, and queer way as possible—what you think should be up is below, and what's below is up. I'm constantly trying to subvert perspectives for myself, for people who have power, and for people who carry marginalized identities. My spirituality feels like it's always swirling, and in a lot of ways that's what my journey with queerness has felt like too—a swirling that never lands or feels just right. For me, our spiritualities, sexualities, gender identities and expressions will always be dynamic and in flux. And ultimately, I think for me that’s what it means to be human. How do you attend to your wellness? Do you have any rituals? I have a very fluid relationship to my spirituality and wellness. What I mean by that is that I don't follow a daily, weekly, or monthly rhythm of practices. For me it's important to constantly be checking in with what do I need today, in this moment. Sometimes that looks like letting go of what I “should” be doing and I dance in front of the mirror by myself, feeling good in my body that way. Other days it looks like pulling a tarot or oracle card and meditating on the image and physical response to what came up in that moment. And other times it's sitting outside at the park and watching the leaves move in the wind. I felt a lot of guilt growing up that I wasn't one of those people that did the same thing every day. I could never find the consistency and I felt a lot of guilt and shame about that. So it’s felt important to me to embrace that spiritual practices are always changing and that there are ebbs and flows in what we need to connect with the divine and to hear spirit. A lot of these are activities that some people might see as "mundane" or "secular" not spiritual. Is the sacred different from the mundane? The mundane is always spiritual regardless! But I think what changes is that sometimes we are turned on, our internal frequency turns to the right number and we catch the ways the mundane is a portal to the spiritual. We can tune into this movement that is always happening around us. But we're also human and life is life and we have to do lists and get distracted. Nothing has necessarily changed in the world around us, what has changed is our perception—our attunement and need for these moments. And the truth is, sometimes we don't need a transcendent moment. It would be too much to be constantly plugged in - we can't be tuned in alllll the time! You recently made some zines. Can you share more about them? Sure! My zines are a way of telling my stories. This past summer I realized that I had been asking my clients, the people that brush up against my work, to share their stories as a way of entering into the transformation and liberation process. But I hadn't been spending time with my own story. Sometimes this decolonizing work can be really heavy so I wanted to find a way to bring some lightness into my life and get the creative work flowing. I take a lot of pictures and have done a lot of writing over the years, so I thought I'd put the words + pictures I’ve captured over the years together and see what happens. It was a really special process. It felt fun to notice the movements of shadow and light, of deep inner work, and ultimately the flourishing I’ve experienced in the last decade of my own life. They’re pretty personal, but I hope that anyone that picks them up can find a glimpse of their own story or journey in them, or are moved into deeper exploration of what it means to be their own True Self. Finish this sentence: I feel most whole when... I feel most whole when I'm holding multiplicity in my identity and when I embrace I am multidimensional. That feels like a movement to the cosmic which makes me feel connected to the collective and more whole. Lastly, where can people learn more about you and your work? Find me online at www.erendirajimenez.com and my instagram _erendirajimenez_

Decolonizing Spirituality with Eréndira Jiménez Esquinca

The Wellness Codex

This article comes from an Ask the Expert conversation with Dr. Jill Corey, N.D. (they/them). For Them sourced questions from the community to ask to a trans healthcare professional. For Them: Could you talk through different ways herbal medicine and manual therapy can help to ease anxiety? Whether that's gender dysphoria, anxiety, or just, you know, being queer in this world is pretty anxiety producing. Dr. Jill Corey: Yeah, stepping out of your house, anything right now, pandemic? Yeah, for sure. There's so much. So as far as herbal remedies for anxiety, there's different approaches we can do. There are approaches like daily preventative measures, things that can calm you down couple notches throughout the day. There are some interesting studies on encapsulating lavender. It's not like essential oils and do not ever, ingest essential oils- they are really strong, powerful, and to only be used topically or in the diffuser in the room. But there's special forms of encapsulated lavender that have been researched. This certain form of lavender has been shown to be as effective in helping with anxiety as Prozac. The brand name that was used in the study is called Lavella. There's L-theanine that is an amino acid that can be taken daily or as a rescue for anxiety. That can also be used to combat too much caffeine. There's also a glycine, which is an amino acid that's also very calming to the nervous system. A lot of people like to take it at night, because it kind of helps with that monkey brain at bedtime. Glycine, it's a precursor to the neurotransmitter, GABA, which is and gamma is the opposite of epinephrine. So when we're anxious and amped up, our body makes epinephrine and GABA does the opposite, so it's more calming. They make supplements of GABA as well. So those are those are very helpful for the day to day. I know they can be used as a rescue if you start feeling like a panic attack is coming on. I find that if there's a panic situation going on, there's an herb called kava. It also is very good at calming down anxiety. It's from South America originally. So if you're feeling panicky and stuff, you want something to work quickly, sometimes a liquid form of kava could be more helpful, but this or you want to be careful because it can, you know, talk to your doctor first because it can interact with certain medications and it can be a little taxing on the liver as well. And there are also herbs, like the California poppy that could help as well. For Them: We have a question about chest dysphoria and binding. "Do you have any tips on dealing with paralyzing chest dysphoria? Even when alone at home I can’t seem to do anything except when I distract myself very much. Binder helps for a short time, then not at all. Looking at myself with a flat chest in the mirror helps for short moments. It seems I can’t think and am moving through thick liquid. Every time I distract myself enough I feel fine again." Dr. Jill Corey: Gender dysphoria sucks. I can relate to what this person is saying. People don't understand gender dysphoria unless they experience it. It is real. It is kinda like quantitative to chronic pain- where you have it all the time, it's there, you experience it everyday all day- some days are better than others, others are harder to ignore. I understand it is really difficult when you're waiting for your top surgery or your insurance won't pay for it or even if you don't want top surgery that's ok too. But it can be a life saving surgical intervention. Regarding chest dysphoria, binders are a lifesaver. It's very important to use a safe binder rather than ACE bandages or tape because that can cause a lot of problems with anatomy and your ribs. Also, to help mitigate it, some of my patients say having a night bra, a comfy bra they can wear to bed, something to keep the breast tissue contained is helpful. Be gentle with yourself. Remind yourself that this is a chronic thing and day to day it can change. Try to not talk negatively to yourself, accept the process and that it's common and normal to have these feelings. Wear your binder whenever you can. Bath time can be hard, a lot of my patients wear a swim top in the bath/shower. It's a day to day thing, try to be as gentle with yourself as you can.

This article comes from an Ask the Expert conversation with <a href="https://www.drjillcorey.com">Dr. Jill Corey, N.D.</a> (they/them). For Them sourced questions from the community to ask to a trans healthcare professional.
For Them: Could you talk through different ways herbal medicine and manual therapy can help to ease anxiety? Whether that's gender dysphoria, anxiety, or just, you know, being queer in this world is pretty anxiety producing.
Dr. Jill Corey: Yeah, stepping out of your house, anything right now, pandemic? Yeah, for sure. There's so much. So as far as herbal remedies for anxiety, there's different approaches we can do. There are approaches like daily preventative measures, things that can calm you down couple notches throughout the day.
There are some interesting studies on encapsulating lavender. It's not like essential oils and do not ever, ingest essential oils- they are really strong, powerful, and to only be used topically or in the diffuser in the room. But there's special forms of encapsulated lavender that have been researched. This certain form of lavender has been shown to be as effective in helping with anxiety as Prozac. The brand name that was used in the study is called Lavella.
There's L-theanine that is an amino acid that can be taken daily or as a rescue for anxiety. That can also be used to combat too much caffeine. There's also a glycine, which is an amino acid that's also very calming to the nervous system. A lot of people like to take it at night, because it kind of helps with that monkey brain at bedtime. Glycine, it's a precursor to the neurotransmitter, GABA, which is and gamma is the opposite of epinephrine. So when we're anxious and amped up, our body makes epinephrine and GABA does the opposite, so it's more calming. They make supplements of GABA as well. So those are those are very helpful for the day to day. I know they can be used as a rescue if you start feeling like a panic attack is coming on.
I find that if there's a panic situation going on, there's an herb called kava. It also is very good at calming down anxiety. It's from South America originally. So if you're feeling panicky and stuff, you want something to work quickly, sometimes a liquid form of kava could be more helpful, but this or you want to be careful because it can, you know, talk to your doctor first because it can interact with certain medications and it can be a little taxing on the liver as well. And there are also herbs, like the California poppy that could help as well.
For Them: We have a question about chest dysphoria and binding. "Do you have any tips on dealing with paralyzing chest dysphoria? Even when alone at home I can’t seem to do anything except when I distract myself very much. Binder helps for a short time, then not at all. Looking at myself with a flat chest in the mirror helps for short moments. It seems I can’t think and am moving through thick liquid. Every time I distract myself enough I feel fine again."
Dr. Jill Corey: Gender dysphoria sucks. I can relate to what this person is saying. People don't understand gender dysphoria unless they experience it. It is real. It is kinda like quantitative to chronic pain- where you have it all the time, it's there, you experience it everyday all day- some days are better than others, others are harder to ignore.
I understand it is really difficult when you're waiting for your top surgery or your insurance won't pay for it or even if you don't want top surgery that's ok too. But it can be a life saving surgical intervention.
Regarding chest dysphoria, binders are a lifesaver. It's very important to use a safe binder rather than ACE bandages or tape because that can cause a lot of problems with anatomy and your ribs. Also, to help mitigate it, some of my patients say having a night bra, a comfy bra they can wear to bed, something to keep the breast tissue contained is helpful.
Be gentle with yourself. Remind yourself that this is a chronic thing and day to day it can change. Try to not talk negatively to yourself, accept the process and that it's common and normal to have these feelings. Wear your binder whenever you can.
Bath time can be hard, a lot of my patients wear a swim top in the bath/shower.
It's a day to day thing, try to be as gentle with yourself as you can.

How to manage chest dysphoria & practice safe binding

This article comes from an Ask the Expert conversation with Dr. Jill Corey, N.D. (they/them). For Them sourced questions from the community to ask to a trans healthcare professional. For Them: When it comes to fertility in trans people on hormones, is there a known hormone level or other marker to determine current fertility? Generally, how can a trans person on hormones determine if they are capable of getting somebody pregnant or are capable of becoming pregnant (if they have not had any surgery on that part of the body)? Dr. Jill Corey: There is no answer, unfortunately. The reason we can't say for sure is because every body is different. A certain level of hormones can do different things for different people. That's why when we initiate hormone therapy we have to make sure they understand hormone therapy is not a form of birth control or STI prevention. It is not a reliable method of birth control. You might not be able to have biological children or you may still be able to get someone pregnant or become pregnant. Even with fertility testing, we still don't know for sure. For example, a person on testosterone but not menstruating could still be ovulating so there's a chance they could get pregnant by having sex with someone who has sperm. So, we have to treat everyone the same: if you don't want biological children, continue to use protection. For Them: Can you talk more about taking birth control while taking testosterone? That can sometimes seem counterintuitive. Dr. Jill Corey: Yes, it sounds counterintuitive to be on birth control while on T. We recommend the Mirena IUD that has a tiny bit of hormone that is localized in the uterus. So it doesn't necessarily go systemic and wouldn't interfere with testosterone therapy. The copper IUD (Paragard) will protect against pregnancy. If someone is not interested in getting an IUD, condoms are the best form of pregnancy prevention. You could also do a permanent procedure called endometrial ablation. In this case, a surgeon goes in to remove all the endometrial tissue. You won't get your period, but you won't be able to have children -- it is permanent. For preventing STIs, condoms are the best way to prevent STIs. Of course, you can still get herpes or HPV from skin to skin contact with condoms, but it is a low risk. PrEP, medicine to prevent HIV infection from sex or drug use, unfortunately hasn't been studied a whole lot in people with uteruses. There are two medications for use as PrEP. Truvada® is the only approved HIV prevention medicine for people with assigned female at birth. It takes 3 weeks for it to take effect. Descovy® has not been approved for AFAB people due to lack of research.

Birth control, fertility, and testosterone

I founded For Them because I needed a binder that was safe and comfortable, which is a difficult thing to find in the world of chest binders currently. Most are a little rigid, or dig in weird places, or roll up, or don't go far enough down. The list of issues is long. For Them partnered with Rada Shadick who recently designed a bra for Misty Copeland to comfortably dance in. The brief was to make a binder that compressed maximally without sacrificing fluidity of movement or breath. We originally made two binders: one with an extra layer of medical mesh and one without. The idea was to give two binding options → one of which we were calling the "indoor binder" (less compressing) and the other the "outdoor binder" (more compressing). We understand there are times when people want a different type of bind. Next, we had customers try on our two binders. They said things like, "The binder with the mesh is giving me a better bind, but I'm struggling to breathe and it hurts after an hour" or "I like the binder without the mesh more, but I don't think it's compressing me as much". It seemed that the outdoor binder was not going to be a safe option. We decided to measure the difference in compression between the two options, so we could go back to the drawing board. We did. And guess what? The measurements were the same! Our more breathable binder compressed just as much as the one with the mesh. With a viable design in hand, our next challenge was material. Our supplier for the buttery soft but supremely compressing recycled nylon only had a handful of yards left in their warehouse in Italy. So we called every possible company around the globe to find more of it. And we lucked out with someone just a stone's throw away from Chloe's family in the UK. We hate that the fashion industry has created toxicity around sizing and so our sizing is not numerical. Here's how it works → customers let us know their chest measurements and we map them to a size with a bespoke name. Our binders have been fit-tested on multiple body types to cover a chest apex measurements of 28-60". Now we're fast at work trying to manufacture as many as we can in NYC to meet our waitlist. - Chloe Freeman

BTS: The Binder story

During sex we see and are seen—sometimes physically, always intimately. In mapping the terrains of our bodies, we open ourselves to a journey of expected peeks and valleys. We explore sensations that can transport us to what feels like another dimension. But sometimes, we experience feelings and thoughts that we can't always control. Sex often involves areas of the body that have been saturated with cultural and gendered norms. So it is understandable that these moments might trigger us. For some this feels like dysphoria, for others they might dissociate. Try these practices to ground yourself if distress pops up while traversing the lusciousness of your body or someone else's. 🌀 Notice what you're feeling. Don't try to push away or ignore the feeling. 🌀 Communicate often. Tell partners what you need from them — words, actions, reassurances, or a break. 🌀 Remind yourself of your agency. Practice on-going consent and stop whenever you want. 🌀 Come back to this moment. Reconnect with your senses one by one to tune into the environment around you. 🌀 Chart out comfort zones. You set your boundaries of acceptable touch—not anatomy or societal convention. 🌀 Try new words for your body during sex. See if more affirming or neutral terms bring you back to you. 🌀 Explore yourself. Stimulate your body solo and respond to your touch with self-awareness. A sensorial intimacy serum can help. 🌀 Test out clothed-play. Wearing clothes and gender-affirming intimates can reduce the sense of feeling exposed during intimacy.

Real Talk: Dealing with Dysphoria & Dissociation During Sex

1️⃣ Tourmaline⁣⁣⁣ (she/hers) @tourmaliiine "Tourmaline has charted a polymathic path as an artist, activist, and cultural producer who contributes to the social, political, and creative vitality of Black queer and trans life. Tourmaline has grown into a practice of “re-membering” historical narratives that bridges fact with speculative fiction in order to fill in gaps and silences in the archive. “Each film is a meditation and spiritual altar placement for those before me who have allowed me to be who I am”. Through her own radical world-making, Tourmaline invites us into the lives of people who practiced fierce self-determination in the shadow of white supremacist violence. She brings us their voices—and hands down their survival strategies—as reminders that we, too, can become anything we want to be. (Source: ArtNews interview by Kiyan Williams) 👉🏾 Check out two of her artworks in the permanent collection at The Met Museum which will be displayed for two years in their exhibition titled, "Before Yesterday We Could Fly: An Afrofuturist Period Room" 🧑🏿‍🚀 2️⃣ LJ Roberts (they/them) @atelier.lj "LJ Roberts is a visual artist and writer who creates large-scale textile installations, embroideries, artist books, and collages. Their work investigates overlaps of queer and trans politics, activism, protest, and craft. LJ also maintains a critical writing practice that bridges craft and queer theory. (Source: https://www.ljroberts.net) 👉🏾 Check out their exhibit — "Carry You With Me: Ten Years of Portraits" — at Pioneer Works in Brooklyn, NY thru Nov 28! 🧵 3️⃣ Zanele Muholi (they/them) @muholizanele "Muholi is a South African visual activist and photographer documenting black lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and intersex people’s lives in various townships in South Africa. Their self-proclaimed mission is 'to re-write a black queer and trans visual history of South Africa for the world to know of our resistance and existence at the height of hate crimes in SA and beyond.' Muholi hopes to offset the stigma and negativity attached to queer identity in African society with positive imagery." (Source: Muholi's bio on yanceyrichardson.com 👉🏾 View their photographs by appointment at Tate Modern or check out their contribution to @tatestives ongoing exhibit "Modern Bodies: Barbara Hepworth". 4️⃣ Cassils (they/them) @cassilsartist "Cassils is a transgender visual artist who uses performance as a form of social sculpture; Cassils powerfully trains their body for different performative purposes, committing to a process of extreme physical and psychological endurance. By positioning their body as a battleground, it is with sweat, blood, and sinew that Cassils shares experiences for contemplating histories of violence, representation, struggle, and survival." (Source: homemcr.org) 👉🏾 Check out their first solo show — "Human Measure" — at @homemcr in Manchester, UK thru Dec 12 🔥 5️⃣ Nicki Green (she/her) @nickigreenstudio "Nicki is a transdisciplinary artist working primarily in clay. Her sculptures, ritual objects and various flat works explore topics of history preservation, conceptual ornamentation and the aesthetics of otherness." (Source: https://www.nickigreen.org) 👉🏾 Now thru Jan 2, 2022, "Omniscent: Queer Documentation in an Image Culture" @leslielohmanmuseum. Now thru Jan 30, 2022, "New Time: Art and Feminisms in the 21st Century" @bampfa. Plus check nickigreen.org for more exhibitions!

5 trans and nonbinary artists we recommend adding to your feed

This is part of our Their Balm series that explores community-sourced wellbeing techniques. ✨ The full moon in Taurus rises tonight against a lunar eclipse. ✨ The Full Moon is a great opportunity to release and let go. Our spiritual guide Nikomeh Anderson (@wickedsirnik) has shared with us their ritual for a full moon celebration. Complete with dancing, many animals, friends and fire, Nikomeh outlines some steps to create your own ritual and allow yourself to let go of what no longer serves you and enter this new beginning with a fresh start. 🌕🌖🌗🌘🌑🌒 🌓🌔🌕 🌱 Eucalyptus. This is a dope amazing plant that helps clear your chest, is good for breath which is good for grounding - we dried our eucalyptus out and wherever it dries out it gives your lungs an extra boost. You can also make it into bath salts- a multipurpose plant! (🔥Hot tip: keep it in the shower/bath🔥). 📐 Structure. For this fire I built a square and then cut it in half- fires love triangles. The square structure allows for a longer burning fire, but the triangles allow it to be easier to light and get airflow. After I light the kindling I use the wind and my breath and the air to keep it lit. If you have a strong structure, then the fire can do what it does. Fire magic. (🔥Hot tip: when you're feeding the fire, even if it's with a bit of cardboard, have an intention for what you are putting into the fire🔥). 💧🧯 Remember: Fire is a creation force and a destruction force, always have water nearby for water safety. 🎁 Gifts. When you're doing a group ritual it can be formal or super casual. Our idea was to come together and be together on the full moon. We revisited some of the intentions we made from the new moon. The lighting of the fire is the first intention, feeding the fire is the second intention and then allowing people to connect is the third. (🔥Hot tip: An intro circle is a great way to feel connected. Names, pronouns, astrological signs 🔥). ✂️ Sacrificing the old and bringing in the new. Burning things that literally no longer serve us, such as a wilting lavender plant. We had everyone write intentions that they are cleansing or letting go of that they would like to release into the fire. We wrote those intentions on paper and put them into a hat. Then we took another person's intention, read it aloud, and then put it into the fire. 💃🏾 Finally, my favorite part, dancing. We danced with our own shadows from the moonlight- the shadows within the shadows -integration of the intentions and the release. Dancing for me is the ultimate form of release.

Their Balm: New Moon Rituals with Nikomeh Anderson

By Dr. Kayti Protos, DSW, LCSW Have you noticed how the holiday spirit swirls around us from every corner of life during the month of December (and too frequently long before)? The sounds of the holidays can be heard in the background of the convenience store, the plot lines of our favorite tv shows, the endless series of cis-hetero-normative Christmas specials, and the red and white hats on sports announcers and news broadcasters. The message is a universal reminder of the mainstream experience – a Christian-normative, love-time-with-your-family-of-origin, Eurocentric holiday season – without acknowledgement of the financial, familial, trauma-induced, or other barriers towards celebration. As someone with more than 15 years of experience working in the mental health field, I can tell you that the holidays bring a heaping helping of depression, anxiety, disordered eating, substance use and abuse, trauma responses, and family conflict. These struggles are often magnified for members of the LGBTQQIA+ community. Crisis lines and community mental health resources witness the ever-growing demand for help as we struggle through another holly-jolly time of the year. Here are a few thoughts to ponder as finalize your seasonal plans: Names matter. If you are hanging stockings, sending out holiday cards, or giving gifts with the classic to-from sticker, remember to use the most current name for each person. Avoid using dead names and incorrect pronouns. If you are uncertain whether or not the person is out to everyone who will be together, ask the person ahead of time for guidance around their name and pronouns. Recognize misgendering and mistakes. Encourage others to practice the name and pronouns of transgender, nonbinary, and gender expansive people (and their partners) before they arrive. If someone makes a mistake, correct them quickly and move on. If you make a mistake, correct yourself and move on. If someone starts to over-apologize or make the situation about themselves, interrupt them gently and ask them to stop. Acknowledge the mistake and keep the conversation going. Whenever possible, ask the trans person prior to attending how they would like you to address situations of misgendering. Same goes for sexual identity If you are being misgendered, you have the right to decide what to do – you do not owe anyone an explanation and you are not responsible for their feelings. You have the right to take care of yourself and to set the boundaries you need in the moment. Ask questions that open meaningful conversation. As a queer woman, I cannot express enough frustration at the age-old question “Do you have a boyfriend?” First, do not assume anyone’s sexual orientation, or that they are interested in dating anyone at all. Rather, ask more open-ended questions that allow for a celebration of the diversity of the LGBTQQIA+ experience. For example, you could ask: “Have you met anyone interesting lately?” or “What books/shows/songs have been bringing you joy at the moment?” Compliment the person, not the body. Bodies are a tenuous topic for many of us. We live in an ableist, fatphobic society that privileges certain bodies over others. Avoid comments about physical appearance. Many people struggle with negative body image, gender dysphoria, and/or body dysmorphia. If you want to greet someone with a compliment, try out things like: “I love the way the kids get excited whenever you walk into the room” or “You have an amazing smile” or “I love how you tell stories – you have a gift with words!” Reminisce with intention. Telling stories about past holidays can be a harrowing experience for many. Avoid gendered descriptions of someone or commenting about past clothing choices. Unless otherwise instructed, always gender someone based on their present gender identity – not their sex assigned at birth. No is a complete sentence. If you need to set a boundary with anyone during this time, remember your right to say “no” as needed, without explanation. Do you want your homophobic relative at the party? No. Would you join us for a religious service in an institution that admonishes gender or sexual diversity? No. Is it okay for me to tell this transphobic joke? No. You do not need to subject yourself to traditions that could be harmful to you or your loved ones. Activate support systems. Take a few moments before the holiday begins. Who are the people who help build you up? Who do you turn to when you are feeling hurt, vulnerable, sad, or angry? Talk to these people ahead of time and create a plan of support to help you navigate more challenging interactions. This is the time of year for family of choice to show up for one another. Need someone to help? Check out supportive, affirming resources – such as Trans LifeLine or the Trevor Project – and put their numbers in your phone ahead of time. Plan your escape. Identify at least three ways you can escape challenging situations. Can you get out of the house if needed? Are there movies or television shows you could binge watch, or books you can read, to escape the real world for a few hours? When do you return to your own home and/or reclaim your space from visiting relatives? Are there pets nearby to offer distraction? If you or someone you know is struggling this holiday season, please reach out to supportive community members for help. LGBTQQIA+ spaces such as For Them are excellent resources for those needing to connect, belong, or remind themselves that they are not alone.

By Dr. Kayti Protos, DSW, LCSW
Have you noticed how the holiday spirit swirls around us from every corner of life during the month of December (and too frequently long before)? The sounds of the holidays can be heard in the background of the convenience store, the plot lines of our favorite tv shows, the endless series of cis-hetero-normative Christmas specials, and the red and white hats on sports announcers and news broadcasters. The message is a universal reminder of the mainstream experience – a Christian-normative, love-time-with-your-family-of-origin, Eurocentric holiday season – without acknowledgement of the financial, familial, trauma-induced, or other barriers towards celebration.
 
As someone with more than 15 years of experience working in the mental health field, I can tell you that the holidays bring a heaping helping of depression, anxiety, disordered eating, substance use and abuse, trauma responses, and family conflict. These struggles are often magnified for members of the LGBTQQIA+ community. Crisis lines and community mental health resources witness the ever-growing demand for help as we struggle through another holly-jolly time of the year.
 
Here are a few thoughts to ponder as finalize your seasonal plans:
 
<ul>
<li>
Names matter. If you are hanging stockings, sending out holiday cards, or giving gifts with the classic to-from sticker, remember to use the most current name for each person. Avoid using dead names and incorrect pronouns. If you are uncertain whether or not the person is out to everyone who will be together, ask the person ahead of time for guidance around their name and pronouns. 
</li>
<li>
Recognize misgendering and mistakes. Encourage others to practice the name and pronouns of transgender, nonbinary, and gender expansive people (and their partners) before they arrive. If someone makes a mistake, correct them quickly and move on. If you make a mistake, correct yourself and move on. If someone starts to over-apologize or make the situation about themselves, interrupt them gently and ask them to stop. Acknowledge the mistake and keep the conversation going. Whenever possible, ask the trans person prior to attending how they would like you to address situations of misgendering. Same goes for sexual identity If you are being misgendered, you have the right to decide what to do – you do not owe anyone an explanation and you are not responsible for their feelings. You have the right to take care of yourself and to set the boundaries you need in the moment. 
</li>
<li>
Ask questions that open meaningful conversation. As a queer woman, I cannot express enough frustration at the age-old question “Do you have a boyfriend?” First, do not assume anyone’s sexual orientation, or that they are interested in dating anyone at all. Rather, ask more open-ended questions that allow for a celebration of the diversity of the LGBTQQIA+ experience. For example, you could ask: “Have you met anyone interesting lately?” or “What books/shows/songs have been bringing you joy at the moment?” 
</li>
<li>
Compliment the person, not the body. Bodies are a tenuous topic for many of us. We live in an ableist, fatphobic society that privileges certain bodies over others. Avoid comments about physical appearance. Many people struggle with negative body image, gender dysphoria, and/or body dysmorphia. If you want to greet someone with a compliment, try out things like: “I love the way the kids get excited whenever you walk into the room” or “You have an amazing smile” or “I love how you tell stories – you have a gift with words!” 
</li>
<li>
Reminisce with intention. Telling stories about past holidays can be a harrowing experience for many. Avoid gendered descriptions of someone or commenting about past clothing choices. Unless otherwise instructed, always gender someone based on their present gender identity – not their sex assigned at birth. 
</li>
<li>
No is a complete sentence. If you need to set a boundary with anyone during this time, remember your right to say “no” as needed, without explanation. Do you want your homophobic relative at the party? No. Would you join us for a religious service in an institution that admonishes gender or sexual diversity? No. Is it okay for me to tell this transphobic joke? No. You do not need to subject yourself to traditions that could be harmful to you or your loved ones. 
</li>
<li>
Activate support systems. Take a few moments before the holiday begins. Who are the people who help build you up? Who do you turn to when you are feeling hurt, vulnerable, sad, or angry? Talk to these people ahead of time and create a plan of support to help you navigate more challenging interactions. This is the time of year for family of choice to show up for one another. Need someone to help? Check out supportive, affirming resources – such as Trans LifeLine or the Trevor Project – and put their numbers in your phone ahead of time. 
</li>
<li>
Plan your escape. Identify at least three ways you can escape challenging situations. Can you get out of the house if needed? Are there movies or television shows you could binge watch, or books you can read, to escape the real world for a few hours? When do you return to your own home and/or reclaim your space from visiting relatives? Are there pets nearby to offer distraction?</li>
</ul>
 
If you or someone you know is struggling this holiday season, please reach out to supportive community members for help. LGBTQQIA+ spaces such as For Them are excellent resources for those needing to connect, belong, or remind themselves that they are not alone.

Boundaries, belonging, & surviving the holidays

So you're interested in The Binder by For Them but you have a few questions? You've come to the perfect place. We've sourced some of the most common questions from the community and answered them. How is it reversible? Magic! Both sides compress equally. We have a lower cut crew neck, perfect for those summer days when you want to button a touch. And we've got a higher v-neck for days when you want maximum coverage. Try each side to see which fits you better. Is it workout safe? We don’t recommend strenuous activity in one. But watch this space for some news... 😉 Good for bigger busts? Yes! It works for chests measuring 28-62”. Even if you have a small waist, it works. Can I swim in it? Chlorine doesn’t play nicely with this version. But... stay tuned. 😉 How long can I wear it? Unlike other binders, ours is safe. Listen to your body. Take breaks when needed. Can I sleep in it? Best not to. If you’re recovering from surgery, ask your doc about your options. Good if I have scoliosis? We recommend speaking with your doctor first, but know it shapes to your body & spine. Will you have full length? We’re not planning to just yet. The half-tank allows you to breathe + move easily. Is it sensory-issue friendly? Yes! The material is buttery soft, seams are flat, and the cotton label is flush. Is it safe for teens? Yes, because we designed our with everyone’s safety in mind. Our sizes start at 28” around. What’s it made from? 100% recycled nylon inside & out which is buttery soft. (65% polyamide, 35% elastane). Do you offer discreet packaging? All packs are minimally branded, with plain also available. We can use a different name for shipping, too. How do sizes work? We use the measurements you give us to map to our custom size. No need to size up or down. Why can’t I pick a color? We use a recycled fabric so we take what we can get to prioritize the planet. But you can pick soon! What’s the price? $48 (shipping + tax included). They’re made by hand in NYC. ...and if it doesn’t fit? We gotchu. Get in touch and we’ll get an exchanged started. Returns & exchanges are free. Did we miss something? Come chat about The Binder with us and actual customers on our Discord server.

Your Top Binder Questions Answered

How One Company Designed a Crucial Accessory for the Queer Community: The Binder A poorly fitting chest binder can result in gender dysphoria, and even broken ribs—For Them founder Chloe Freeman set out to change this with fantastic results. Read full article on Core77

Core77 Spotlights For Them & The Binder

Meet For Them, the Brand Revolutionizing Queer Wellness When founder Chloe Freeman couldn't find a comfortable binder they decided to create their own. Next up? The options are endless. -- Read more on InStyle

<div class="intro article-info">
<div class="headline-wrapper">
<h2 class="headline heading-content elementFont__display">Meet For Them, the Brand Revolutionizing Queer Wellness</h2>
</div>
</div>
<div class="margin-16-bottom elementFont__dek elementFont__dek--linkWithin">When founder Chloe Freeman couldn't find a comfortable binder they decided to create their own. Next up? The options are endless.</div>
<div class="margin-16-bottom elementFont__dek elementFont__dek--linkWithin">--</div>
<div class="margin-16-bottom elementFont__dek elementFont__dek--linkWithin"></div>
<div class="margin-16-bottom elementFont__dek elementFont__dek--linkWithin">Read more on <a href="https://www.instyle.com/lifestyle/for-them-chloe-freeman" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">InStyle</a>
</div>

For Them Featured in InStyle

'For Them' is a new queer wellness brand that 'codesigns' products with buyers to make them more inclusive When Chloe Freeman started wearing binders, they couldn't find one that fit all of their needs. In November, Freeman founded a new queer wellness company called For Them to sell something better. "The feedback that we're getting is just so overwhelming," Freeman told Insider. -- Read the rest on Business Insider

<h2 class="post-headline ">'For Them' is a new queer wellness brand that 'codesigns' products with buyers to make them more inclusive</h2>
<ul class="summary-list summary-list-variant">
<li>When Chloe Freeman started wearing binders, they couldn't find one that fit all of their needs.</li>
<li>In November, Freeman founded a new queer wellness company called For Them to sell something better.</li>
<li>"The feedback that we're getting is just so overwhelming," Freeman told Insider.</li>
</ul>
--
Read the rest on <a href="https://www.businessinsider.com/for-them-a-new-more-inclusive-queer-wellness-brand-2022-1" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Business Insider</a>